Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Eating the evidence

I blame the likes of CSI. Somehow the conversation at work turned to just how nasty a pig can be, and dead bodies and how to get rid of them.

It's fair to say it was a disgruntled day.

Anyway, the solution was suggested by Guy Richie in Snatch.

'Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".'

I don't think I have the ham salad right now...

Will

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