Thursday, December 25, 2003

The Twelve STI's of Christmas

The Twelve STI's of Christmas is a reworking of the Twelve Days of Christmas, written by the UK's Department of Health to raise awareness of the risk of catching sexually transmitted infections

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
a bug that made it hard to pee.

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
chlamydia, and a chance of infertility.

On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
syphilis, chlamydia, and my testicles are sore and lumpy.

On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and a discharge that is hourly.

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and the possibility of HIV.

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, and an infection that was urinary.

On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and a visit to the surgery.

On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
trichomoniasis, hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and my groin itches constantly.

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
genital warts, trichomoniasis, hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and sores that spread anally.

On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
scabies, genital warts, trichomoniasis, hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, wearing pants with some difficulty.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
pelvic inflammatory disease, scabies, genital warts, trichomoniasis, hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and I no longer feel horny.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...
crabs, pelvic inflammatory disease, scabies, genital warts, trichomoniasis, hepatitis, pubic lice, gonorrhoea, genital herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, and no one will make love to me.

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